In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'

Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.'

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.