I understand that smoking is vaguely inappropriate in certain situations. You know, like an orphanage, cancer ward, whatever.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.