I understand that smoking is vaguely inappropriate in certain situations. You know, like an orphanage, cancer ward, whatever.

Think about everything you read and everything you see. The one thing we can learn from all the horrible things that have happened in the last 15-20 years is that hysteria is the last thing we need. Cool thinking, pragmatism, and analytical thought are most important at this point.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.

Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it?

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!