Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you

I hate London when it's not raining.