My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa