I hate London when it's not raining.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.