Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.

I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.