Room service? Send up a larger room.

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.