Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Mrs. Teasdale calls for rescue and Firefly delivers the famous line to his cohorts as they rescue her: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.