Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.