Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.