Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it

I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.