Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books

There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Any place I hang my head is home.