Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.

Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.

Eternity: The interval between the time when a woman discovers that a man is in love with her and the time when he finds it out himself and tells her about it.

It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.

A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.

Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.