Estimated from a wife's experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.

It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing.

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.

At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.

A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

Matrimony is the price of love -- divorce, the rebate.

A man's ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.