Estimated from a wife's experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.

At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.

A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little 'personal characteristics.'

Woman's love -- a mirror in which a man beholds himself glorified, magnified and deified.

Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification.

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.