Estimated from a wife's experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last.

Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.

There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.