The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.

To make a man perfectly happy tell him he works too hard, that he spends too much money, that he is "misunderstood" or that he is "different;" none of this is necessarily complimentary, but it will flatter him infinitely more than merely telling him that he is brilliant, or noble, or wise, or good.

Variety is the spice of love.

Fortunately for women, most men mistake loneliness for love before marriage, and habit for happiness afterward.

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are 'made in America.'