A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.

The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.

A bachelor has to have an inspiration for making love to a woman--a married man needs only an excuse.

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.