Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst end of the bargain.

Verily, the best of husbands hath many raw edges, and many unnecessary pleats in his temper, and many wrinkles in his disposition, which must be removed.

The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

A man's ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.

To make a man perfectly happy tell him he works too hard, that he spends too much money, that he is "misunderstood" or that he is "different;" none of this is necessarily complimentary, but it will flatter him infinitely more than merely telling him that he is brilliant, or noble, or wise, or good.

A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.

An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.