Some men are born for matrimony, some achieve matrimony -- but most of them are merely poor dodgers.

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.

Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.

Marriage: a souvenir of love.

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature - and another woman to help him forget them.

Before marriage, when a woman speaks to a man in an undertone, he calls it "cooing"; after marriage, he calls it nagging.

A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.