A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.

A man seldom thinks of marrying when he meets his ideal woman; he waits until he gets the marrying fever and then idealizes the first woman he happens to meet.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.