Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.

Estimated from a wife's experience, the average man spends fully one-quarter of his life in looking for his shoes.

When a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay her – and usually it's the last.

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst end of the bargain.

A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.

Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification.