Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"
Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"
All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."