Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.