My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."
The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.