"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!