If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.