My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.