"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"
Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"
My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.