Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.