If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.