"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!

Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?

Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.