"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.