He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"