The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!

"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"

Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing.

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.