There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
What is a home without children? Quiet.
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!