I live about four muggings from Central Park.

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.