I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"