During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.