I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death.

Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises -- except for those of us who have vaginas.

I'm for legalizing marijuana. Why pick on those drugs? Valium is legal. You just go to a doctor and get it and overdose on it - what's the difference? Prozac, all that stuff, so why not marijuana? Who cares? It's something that grows out of the ground - why not? Go smoke a head of cabbage. I don't care what you smoke.

The New York Times' list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales.

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.