If I fell into a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb

Roy Keane's like a shark. He has those eyes. You don't know if he is going to buy you a drink or eat you.

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!

It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.

Sepp Blatter and all of them lot Mr Platini I know he was a good player but he aint very good at what he does, I don’t think. I think he’s useless you can quote me on that.

To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.

I feel like I've been on EastEnders all my life and now I'm playing King Lear.