Roy Keane's like a shark. He has those eyes. You don't know if he is going to buy you a drink or eat you.

If you're a burglar, it's no good waiting about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.

I feel like I've been on EastEnders all my life and now I'm playing King Lear.

I am more than happy at Blackpool and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easily curable.

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!

It's all very well having a great pianist playing but it's no good if you haven't got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.