Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.

My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending all night with Berbatov.

Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.

You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I'm like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad.

You can say that strikers are very much like postmen: they have to get in and out as quick as they can before the dog starts to have a go.

I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark.