I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.

Modesty is my best quality.

I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.