I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.

There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.