I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.

Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.