It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.