It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.