I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

Bill Paley is not only the greatest boss I ever had, but he's the most brilliant, honest and warm human being I've ever met. And I'll say that to his face - even if it costs me my job.

The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.

The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me except that I have a slight stomach pain. Wait till I get my hospital bill! Then I'll really have a pain the stomach!

When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.