Gags die, humor doesn't.

Modesty is my best quality.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.

Gags die, humor doesn't.