Gags die, humor doesn't.

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.

When you talk about the world's greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland and perhaps Frank Sinatra got anywhere near him!