My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

Bill Paley is not only the greatest boss I ever had, but he's the most brilliant, honest and warm human being I've ever met. And I'll say that to his face - even if it costs me my job.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.