I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.

I have had issues with depression all my life, and it's probably true to say there was a tendency towards it even when I was very young, during my schooldays. There was often - and this is quite common with comics - a sense of not feeling as if I belonged anywhere.

Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.

One of my friends went on a murder weekend, now he is doing life for it.

In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.

The film industry is like Anne Robinsonalways on the look-out for a new face