I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.

I really hated fighting people and hurting them, but felt unable to stop.

I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.

They call it 'surfing' the net. It's not surfing. It's typing in your bedroom

Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.

In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

Make lots of money. Enjoy the work. Operate within the law. Choose any two of three