In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.

And people are intrigued if I really am as grumpy in real life. People feel a bit let down if I'm laughing or smiling.

In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.

The film industry is like Anne Robinsonalways on the look-out for a new face

Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.