Jack Dee Quotes

I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like custom officers.

The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.

One of my friends went on a murder weekend, now he is doing life for it.

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.

Depression is something that has always figured in my life but now I'm dealing with it. I wish I'd done this years ago because it's been really helpful.

I have had issues with depression all my life, and it's probably true to say there was a tendency towards it even when I was very young, during my schooldays. There was often - and this is quite common with comics - a sense of not feeling as if I belonged anywhere.

They call it 'surfing' the net. It's not surfing. It's typing in your bedroom

And people are intrigued if I really am as grumpy in real life. People feel a bit let down if I'm laughing or smiling.

Make lots of money. Enjoy the work. Operate within the law. Choose any two of three

In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

I tend not to trust people who live in very tidy houses. I know that on the surface there is nothing wrong with a person being well-ordered and disciplined. Nothing, except that it leaves the impression of that person having lived in the confines of a stark institution which, although he or she has long since left, remains within.

I really hated fighting people and hurting them, but felt unable to stop.

Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.

The film industry is like Anne Robinsonalways on the look-out for a new face

I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.