I have had issues with depression all my life, and it's probably true to say there was a tendency towards it even when I was very young, during my schooldays. There was often - and this is quite common with comics - a sense of not feeling as if I belonged anywhere.

They call it 'surfing' the net. It's not surfing. It's typing in your bedroom

I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.

And people are intrigued if I really am as grumpy in real life. People feel a bit let down if I'm laughing or smiling.

Make lots of money. Enjoy the work. Operate within the law. Choose any two of three

In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

I really hated fighting people and hurting them, but felt unable to stop.