... Variety and the Hollywood Reporter, two publications read more faithfully in Hollywood than the Koran is in Mecca.

Looking back, my life so far seems like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle.

Statistics show that many people watch our show from the bedroom. and people you ask into your bedroom have to be more interesting than those you ask into your living room. I kid you not!

We were ensconced as guests of the exclusive Beverly Hilton Hotel, an edifice so swank that the fire ax in the hall outside our suite said: "In case of fire-break crystal."

Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there.

Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney.

It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.