I'm not saying these flying discs don't really exist, but nobody living in Kansas City has seen them and that's a dry state.

Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it's the rich people who keep saying it.

It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

As I was saying before I was interrupted ... I believe the last thing I said was 'There must be a better way to make a living than this.' Well, I've looked - and there isn't.

The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations.

I'm complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it's shredded.