I'm not saying these flying discs don't really exist, but nobody living in Kansas City has seen them and that's a dry state.

As I was saying before I was interrupted ... I believe the last thing I said was 'There must be a better way to make a living than this.' Well, I've looked - and there isn't.

It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.

I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

I'm complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it's shredded.

Looking back, my life so far seems like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle.