It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.

Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it's the rich people who keep saying it.

Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney.

It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.

I'm not saying these flying discs don't really exist, but nobody living in Kansas City has seen them and that's a dry state.

I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

Statistics show that many people watch our show from the bedroom. and people you ask into your bedroom have to be more interesting than those you ask into your living room. I kid you not!