Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.

I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.

The best part of you ran down your mother's legs.

I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent.