The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don`t like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.