People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.

There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.

Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.